Today I have been on this planet 21 years.

sigh.

this weekend I am excited about farmfest and the ren fair.


being a geek is AWESOME!!!

oh my poor tumlafish is DEAD. :( I miss my FISH!!!! I miss hiiiiiiiiiiiim. I cried a lot. I didn't even get to see him that day. He was like our kid and now he is dead :( the wigglebutt. I am distraught.

I just got a 15 dollar tip on a large mocha, no whip.

my bicycleeeeeee


Its raining! It was 93 degrees (87 in the apartment) and then it rained and went down to 80. perfect. I went on a 7 mile ride last night because chris couldn't go on the full 15 miles with me. boooo. I want to go again today, hopefully while it is still raining, I love riding in the rain.

I just read most of American Ground Zero (http://www.amazon.com/American-Ground-Zero-Secret-Nuclear/dp/0262071460/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249353043&sr=8-1)


today and it has left me absolutely depressed.




people are so completely fucked up

where have you been?




I'm still such a child sometimes I can't stand it.

63 miles on the bike in 4 days

I am tired. I road 14.6 miles STRAIGHT on my bike friday, saturday, and sunday morning. Now I am at work, dreading the band and the crowd that it brings.



It is raining and I just want to sleep.

He was black with a white stripe from his chin all the way to the end of his stomach. He had little white socks on. He was so tiny and starved, he couldn't even hold his head up. I didn't realize what it was until my boyfriend picked him up. He used up his last bit of energy to yell out to us so he wouldn't die alone. We took him in and bathed him so he wouldn't die with bugs crawling all over him, and I sat with him while he was wrapped up in a towel until he stopped breathing. I cried after that, for him and my poor cleo, who is so old and not doing well. The death really hit us hard. We buried him next to our neighbor's bunny, who died about a month ago. We would've taken him to the vet, but it was at night and he was already too far gone, so we did our best to make him comfortable and feel loved during his last few moments.


RIP little kitty.

I still feel weird. Like when you have too much coffee when you're sad and you're all jittery and gross. only I haven't had any coffee.




sigh

That makes me feel terrible. People my age that are across the world from me felt an even greater hope when they got to vote. It was their choice. It was their election, and it was stolen from them, and now they're being beaten and killed like worthless pests. There is a knife to that guys neck.




Everything is so wrong with the world.

I love Charles Panati he writes the coolest books.


seriously read them.





The past few days have totally sucked. I feel drained. Everything sucks. The world sucks. People suck. Which is sad..I have a wonderful home with a wonderful boyfriend but for some reason I can't shake the feeling of hopelessness. I hate it. it sucks. I should have gone for a bike ride this morning but instead I went to the library/target/walmart/ross. I almost got a mancala board at target for 5 bucks but the lines were super long and we didn't have time to wait, so I didn't get one. bummer.


people suck. honestly I wouldn't complain if 5 billion people weren't on the planet anymore (as long as their wasn't a stink and none of them were close family/friends. selfish I know.)

I have discovered that nature and the woods and hiking in boone between 3-7 hours everyday for 4 days straight makes me hate people even more, and I wish to go back into the woods now.

I hate when someone you hate teaches you something that you can actually use.


ex. jason from dilworth coffee is a total douche, but I'll be damned if he didn't teach me to make an awesome shot of espresso.


damnit.


p.s. I found a old mixer for 10 dollars at a antique store...took it home and it stopped working. While I was trying on jeans at kmart my wonderful amazing boy bought this for me. So I rewarded him with a (completely from scratch) coconut cake with lime curd frosting. yum.




So beautiful (the boy and the mixer)

"You are sanctuary" I think I MELTED! so so grateful.

today I am slightly depressed but I can't pinpoint why. Sickly all weekend perhaps? no bike rides. too much rain. stuck in doors, even with him, makes me restless. I guess thats why. Its 530 and ever since I've been at work I've felt like I've had to sneeze (and have done so about 20 million times) I need some sunshine and a nice breeze and some beautiful clouds with a blue blue sky. Also a completely clean house instead of just halfway.


also I went home yesterday and found a closing skyline shirt I've had since freshman year and it was a youth medium and it reminded me how skinny and cute I used to be so now I feel fat and depressed. SIGH.

today I want it to stop raining by the time I get off work so I can go on a nice long bicycle ride. I'm going to boone in june to meet the rest of my boyfriend's family (except mother who lives in hawaii) total excitement. I got a pair of hiking boots for 4 bucks. vegetarian jerky sucks.

I was reading a blog of someone who moved to alaska and I almost thought "someday I will move to alaska and be happy and cool and awesome and all that jazz" but then I remembered that I live in the coolest apartment in belmont with the best boyfriend ever and I never want to be away from that. Our apartment is 2 seconds away from stowe park, and if we live there his kid will be able to walk/bike to every school (except college) that he attends. I don't want to get pregnant because (well I've never wanted kids) and because our wonderful amazing apartment would then be too small. The only place I would move is that really awesome blue house on south point road with the big field and the awesome porch. I am so so so grateful for my life and my boyfriend (better half)and our awesome apartment with the great prints (and some of my paintings too!) and our garden and our bikes and the really awesome kitchen window with our avocado trees. Life with him is amazing. There is a part of my brain that will say "Get real, it is not likely that you will stay together forever" but I like to believe that we will. I have to, or otherwise I am wasting my time. In the spring I will go back to school, which I'm really excited for. I don't want to be a barista for the rest of my life.



life is good.


I love my apartment
especially the boyfriend that comes with it.

today I am happy because I got my tax returns back, so today I will get a bike when I get off of work! Hopefully Chris and I will go biking after that. I will also buy plants for our garden, and go hiking tomorrow at crowders mountain. it is a good day and tomorrow will be, too.

I am also reading Secret Lives of the First Ladies and it is really cool.



fin